The Terrible Twos Conspiracy

In my opinion two-year-olds get a bad rap. Two-year-olds are trippy little strange beings that can be fun to watch. They play with things like pretzels and barrettes. They like to be naked. They have no problem dancing in a supermarket aisle. They make up words and say them with conviction, giving you the dick-face when you don't understand what they are saying. They insist on being called names other than their own. Their heads are too big for their bodies.

So why the rep? I believe that Terrible Twos thing was started by a three-year-old to cover up the real truth -- that Threes are the ones to look out for.

Three year olds tend to be in a bad mood most of the time. They do not want to be treated like babies -- but they are not yet a "kid." They want to run with the big cats, but they may still have trouble making it to the toilet in time. They want to engage in the rough and touble fast paced life of the kindergartener -- and yet they may still have a blanky that must be produced imidiately with the day goes sour.

I was recently staying with family and had the great good fortune to get well-acquainted with a three-year-old I am related to by blood. He is a funny guy, smart, curious, and not in the mood to hear anything even close to "no" -- ever. In fact, when I did tell him to stop doing something, he looked at me with one of the most pissed off expressions I have ever seen on a human face. He turned on his heel, began to exit, but then decided to turn to me again and yelled, "I'M GONNA TELL MY MOMMY AND YOU'RE GONNA BE IN BIG TROUBLE!!!"

When his mother told him that I was his auntie and must be obeyed, he refused to come out and talk to me again. For the rest of the day, he would side-ways glance at me and then give me the cold shoulder. Such is the life of a three-year-old. It is hell.

But don't get me wrong. I found him beyond adorable. I wanted to eat up his feistiness with a spoon. Three or not -- I love the feisty ones. And that, my friends, explains a lot.