Honor Thy Mutha

Growing up in a house full of brothers, I understood how to hang with boys and men from a young age. I tended to be shy around girls and women because I had a hard time following their cues. They seemed to talk in code, every word and look having a double meaning. When I was with my brothers and their friends I understood that when you thought you were being insulted you probably were -- but unless their was a harsh tone to go along with it, the insult was meant as a ribbing, a way to feel part of the group. In the company of girls I felt the opposite was true -- if you thought you were being paid a compliment, chances were somebody either wanted something from you or was actually insulting you through the backdoor. I found it spooky and so I kept my mouth shut and prayed no one would notice me.

Somewhere in my adulthood I started to relax around other women -- but tended to gravitate towards the ones who spoke plainly and had a good sense of humor. When I became a mother I even started to attend a mothering group and found the company very reassuring. But every once in a while the old code would pop up and turn me off immediately. When another mother says, "My goodness! Is your son always this energetic?" she is actually asking you if you have tried him on medication for hyperactivity yet. If she says, "He sure is smart. You must work with him a lot," the translation is , "I'm not sure why you would try to raise a freak but everybody is entitled to their goals."
Defensive?
Yeah, probably -- but it is from years of being on the other end of a bad connection. I often feel as if I was raised in a different culture. One in which eye lash curling was never covered, and a compliment was a compliment.

Hope you had a happy Mutha's Day -- and I mean that sincerely.