If You Can't Take the Mascot -- Get Out of Chicago

I caught my first sight of the White Sox mascot during the White Sox/Rays playoff last week. Turns out the thing is named "Southpaw," a reference to not only left-handed pitchers, but the south side of Chicago. Any who, the reason the thing got my attention was because he sat himself down in what could not have been a cheap seat directly behind the batters box. The Ray's pitcher had just stopped the game in order to demand a retooling of the pitcher's mound. It had rained before the game, and this pitcher was not liking the gravely substance that the Chicago grounds crew put at the base of the mound in order to counteract the dampness. Play stopped, grounds crew in, everyone starts digging and scraping while the pitcher stands by and occasionally taps his foot onto the area. When the game resumed, and Southpaw had taken his new space directly in the pitchers view, the mascot -- already completely distracting with his gigantic fuzzy green head, decided to make fun of the Ray's pitcher. He dramatically rubbed his eyes and then rocked his arms in a cradling motion over and over -- the universal gesture meaning "Cry Baby."

I found this ridiculously funny. As I have said before, silly is very underrated. Silly and passive aggressive is even better. I kept hoping the pitcher would call time and complain. I couldn't wait for what the discussion with the ump might sound like.

Pitcher: "He's mocking me, sir,"

Ump: "Who? That green thing?"

As far as I am concerned mascots can mock whom ever they please. While looking into Southpaw I came across list of current and former baseball mascots. Almost all of the former mascots were discontinued after they were beaten up by fans! Can you imagine? Drunken middle-aged men taking swings at something in fur and a too-large head...

"Get the fuck outta they WAY! I can't see the game -- you FREAK!"

Man, that's funny too. But not for the kids...Which reminds me...my son and I got to go to part of the pre-All Star game festivities when it was held in Fenway. My son was a toddler in a backpack, excited to be at such an exciting event. He pointed at everything and had lots to say. Then the mascots from all the teams paraded around the field and my son got very quiet. "You okay?" I kept asking, but he didn't answer. Fast forward to a year later, when he woke up crying from a dream. I asked him what had scared him and he said, "That man with the ball head! Remember?" I didn't remember, until months later, when for some reason we saw a Mets game on TV and my son yelped. It was Mr. Mets, the mascot who scared my child as a toddler and haunted his dreams! Do you blame him?

I knew there was some reason I didn't like the Mets.