What You Need to Do to Get Candy

I am glad to know almost every kid in my neighborhood. Having lived here for some years now, I have had the chance to observe a couple of them move from early childhood to pre-adolescence. And that is how I have come to peg a couple of kids who I am sure will grow up to sell drugs.

There is nothing like Halloween as a check-in with the neighborhood kids' progress. Like the trip to the bus stop each year on the first day of school, you get to see who has grown, who is missing a tooth, and who has made that crucial leap to young juvenile delinquant. When the group of kids that included the future-drug-pushers came to my door this past Halloween night, the first thing I noticed was that the costume selection was a little random. When I asked, "What are you supposed to be?" there was a collective shrug in response.

I decided that some tough love was in order.

"Well," I said returning the yet-untouched bowl of treats to my hip, "You gotta be something to get candy."

One kid raised a hand, "I'm an evil jester." Okay -- fair enough. He did have the Scream mask and a jester hat on.

"How bout you, Tim?" I asked the boy wearing a shirt on that said got candy? on it. "I'm a kid who wants candy."

"Sure," I responded with the bowl still on my hip. "Okay Justin," I said turning to the kid I KNOW will one day sell my child weed. Surveying his blue hoody and jeans, I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I'm a skateboarder," he said hopefully.

I sighed.

I shifted the bowl to the other hip. The boys stood quietly.

"Fine!" I exclaimed, offering the bowl to pick from. "But next year I want some imagination! Nothing lame or NO CANDY! Got it?"

Dutifully, each boy took only one piece of candy and each said "Thank You."

Aaah...they're good kids.