A Real Bad Case of the Uglies
The other day I went through a real bad case of the uglies. It surpassed the level in which I wonder how long my teeth have been grey. It surpassed the level in which I calculate how much money it would take to replace the entire wardrobe that no longer suits me and then give up. It was to the level in which I concede that I have the beginnings of a hunchback and therefore will end up a hideous hag.
This pushed me to emergency measures: shoe shopping.
This is my remedy of choice instead of prolonged self-loathing or dedicating myself to eating as much chocolate as possible. I figure shoe shopping can not make me heavier or crankier and if I go to Payless or Parade of Shoes -- I won't even be that much poorer.
And it was during this trip to the shoes store that I realized shoe shopping saves 
women from many of the pitfalls of clothes shopping. If I dared to go clothes shopping while suffering from the Uglies I would end up feeling pissier about my hunchback or freakishly broad shoulders or my breasts that are either too large, too small, or too saggy (depending on the garment being tried on). This simply does not happen with shoes. They either fit or they don't fit and if they don't it is not because of my foot being somehow unacceptable -- it is because of some flaw in the shoe. When a shoe is too tight I do not think, "Shit, my toes are fat." No. I think, "They've got no business labeling this an 8 1/2!"
women from many of the pitfalls of clothes shopping. If I dared to go clothes shopping while suffering from the Uglies I would end up feeling pissier about my hunchback or freakishly broad shoulders or my breasts that are either too large, too small, or too saggy (depending on the garment being tried on). This simply does not happen with shoes. They either fit or they don't fit and if they don't it is not because of my foot being somehow unacceptable -- it is because of some flaw in the shoe. When a shoe is too tight I do not think, "Shit, my toes are fat." No. I think, "They've got no business labeling this an 8 1/2!"No wonder women seem drawn to shoe addictions. No matter what your hips look like, you can always have adorable feet.
posted by Mutha @ 10:09 AM
8 Comments:
I have little advice to give or receive on this topic but I hope you got the shoes for 50% off.
They were delightfully cheap and fire-engine red.
Excellent ideas. So spot on. And nothing beats red shoes.
Nessa: Have you ever heard the Elvis Costello song "The Angels Want to Wear My Red Shoes"? Who knew a man could have the same feelings about that magical power.
my ultimate pair of red shoes would be dorothys ruby slippers. i have them on a fridge magnet and i look at them and sigh.
i want ruby slippers.
THOSE ruby slippers.
You are a woman after my own heart Mutha~ hump or no hump!
FN: I have heard there are several pairs of the original ruby slippers -- and that they go up for auction or turned up stolen every once in a while. I can imagine it being a gay man's bidding war -- but I have faith you could jump right in. They are YOUR ruby slippers after all.
C-Girl: I had a feeling that was so -- but it is nice to be reassured...*sniff*
There's no place like home!
I had a pair of red shoes in college during my New Wave phase..they were totally hip N happenin!
At a Beer Bash I could be wearing the mandatory starving student T Shirt and Jeans ensemble but I felt like a 'supahstah' in my Reddies.
I could Pogo for hours in those babies.
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