What Rhymes with Mirabelli?

I love baseball, and the player I routinely find the most interesting is the catcher. It is logical therefore that I would be interested in the catcher of my favorite team, the Boston Red Sox. But this goes beyond logic -- I have what is called in Boston a "Wicked Crush" on Jason Varitek.

Now this is all fine and good. My husband is all set with my open love for this man (he has such a love for Beyonce). All is well, right? No. Varitek needs knee surgery and may very well be out for the rest of the season.

Would it make sense to just jump my love to the other catcher? The stand-in guy? The knuckle-ball man? Ah well, that would be...Doug Mirabelli.

I must confess, I have real affection for Doug, but it is simply not like my devotion for Tek. My love will simply not jump. So, what to do over the loss of my favorite player?

Red Sox fans are very used to loss -- and as a result, resourceful. I have found what Doug can do for me: I rhyme things with his last name and tie them to him as bio facts.

Do you know what I heard about Mirabelli?
He is smelly.
His favorite food?
Jelly.
Wife's name?
Shelly.
Favorite expression?
"Whoa Nelly!"
Biggest handicap?
A fat belly.

Poor Doug. It may be a long second half.