Miss America Can Just Resign

I'm so pretty
That I pity
Any girl that isn't me today.

Maria in West Side Story

I recently had the good fortune of seeing a video featuring Siouxsie and the Banshees 2002 live concert. Besides being sorry I had forgotten to include them in my tribute to women in music (similar apologies go out to Kate Bush, Tina Turner and PJ Harvey), I also became intrigued by Siouxsie Sue's look. I told my husband, also a fan and also intrigued by Siouxsie, that I had once cut my hair to match her's. To which he inquired, "I thought you had Chrissie Hynde's haircut for a while..."

And I had to admit that was true too.

It got me thinking about the way I had come about my concepts of physical identity. Why Siouxsie Sue? Why Chrissie? Sure I loved their music, found them strong front women...but that isn't the same as wanting to look like them.

The quick answer came to me: while they are striking women, they aren't conventionally pretty.

And then the bigger answer: I identified with them when I couldn't resolve the pretty question myself.

The pretty question: What does a girl do when she finds herself -- if not ugly, then -- unpretty?

At what age do girls start to be aware of the pecking order associated with physical beauty? I may have started in later because I was the only girl in a mess of brothers, or because my mother and grandmother were strong women who weren't very concerned with how they looked. But I certainly was not protected from it for long, because I can honestly say I have no memory of thinking I was pretty -- even when I was very little.

Now, before the collective groan or sympathy starts to flow, let me say this: I'm down with being unpretty. Don't cry for me Argentina. Although I always perceived things as easier for pretty girls and women -- unpretty has its own power, and I see now that my stabs at imitating the musicians I loved was in an effort to steal some of their thunder until I developed my own.

But, were Siouxsie and Chrissie the only ones...

Last year a very close friend I have known since college was showing a picture of me to my son. The picture was from my college years, which occurred in the early 80's.

Son: Why does Mom look like that? I mean why does her hair do that?

Friend: Oh, see...Your Mom loved a band called the Cure.

Unpretty power comes in more than one flavor. I guess I should add Robert Smith to the list too.