Flash #4
There's some cusin' in this excerpt. So, be warned.
Word count: 8,412
He takes a step back from the door and looks around for a second, trying to think like his brother. He lifts the edge of the filthy carpet. Nothing. He runs his hand along the top frame of the door and finds a key there. Mac tries it in the lock and is relieved to find it works and then that there is no chain in place.
The relief only lasts a heartbeat. As he steps into Neil’s apartment, he smells rancid garbage and old sweat. The place is a mess.
“Neil!” he calls again, with no reply, and his chest starts getting that tight feeling.
He steps around the corner into the front room cautiously, bracing himself for what he might find there. He sees an open pizza box on the floor with some crusts in it. As he takes another step, a mouse darts under the TV stand, and that’s when he sees the man’s leg. It is connected to a form splayed out on the couch – Neil.
Mac holds his breath and he feels blood drain away from his face. He watches his brother’s chest…sees it rise and then fall, and then lets himself exhale.
“NEIL!” he shouts, kicking his brother’s leg hard at the same time.
Neil stirs but only slightly.
“Wake up, you stupid Fucker!”
He opens one eye and pulls himself up, with effort, onto an elbow.
The two men stare at each other for a full minute before Neil finally speaks.
“Hey Curtis,” he croaks out in a horse whisper.
“Yeah, hey yourself,” he spits back. “Ma’s looking for you, ya’ stupid shit.”
Neil rubs his hand across his face. He is staring.
Mac shakes his head. He can feel the dread that filled him only moments ago being rapidly replaced by anger.
“What day is it, Neil?” he pushes.
Neil shakes his head, in a no-contest fashion, and Mac lets out a disgusted burst of air.
“First of the month is coming up – you got the rent? This landlord’s not gonna put up with anymore of your bullshit – and you know I’m not bailin your ass out again. Got it?”
Neil says nothing in response and it makes Mac’s blood feel as if it might boil. If he stays much longer it will be impossible to resist the urge to beat his brother senseless.
“Call Ma,” Mac says turning for the door, but then a thought comes to him and just as quickly he turns back. “But not for the rent, you hear me? I hear you asked her for money…” But he doesn’t finish the sentence. “Clean up this shit hole,” he adds. “You got mice. Probably worse.”
Neil is staring again.
“Do you fuckin HEAR ME!?” Mac yells.
“Jesus, yeah, yeah,” he replies.
Mac exhales loudly, his heart pounding in his chest now. “Fucking idiot. Ya gonna kill yourself, or what, man?”
Neil doesn’t move a muscle, won’t even blink a response.
“ I don’t give a shit,” Mac tells him. “Do what ever you want after Mom’s gone – but you better fuckin stay alive as long as she does – You hear me?!”
“And what if I don’t?” Neil spits back. “Whatta ya’ gonna do then, Curtis? Kill me?”
Mac steps back as if intending to dodge a punch. He stares hard into Neil’s eyes, glassy and dark. It gives him a shiver and he winces involuntarily.
“Call your mother,” Mac says, but it comes out as a whisper.
3 Comments:
I'm liking your character development Mutha. Mac is coming along nicely!
You've definitely got my interest.
excellent so far!
this takes some damn guts to stick out there on the internet, girlie.
Kyahgirl: Thanks. I like Mac a lot so it is hard to be unbiased. Your encouragement is a boost!
FN: Brave, silly, high, dumb -- I'll take it all. A year ago I would have never posted my fiction. But now I'm a glutten for encouragement. This pace is really absurd. I was shooting for 10,000 by Wednesday. I am 500 short. Close enough I guess. So psyched you like it.
C-Girl: Ah...I knew a guy who used to call me Champ. You make me smile. BTW, I am about to send the Daniel story back out. Cross your fingers!
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