"I Ain't No Dog Tied to a Parked Car"

This quote is from a Lou Reed song. He says it in reference to his desire to stay married and it has always stuck out to me -- even when I heard it first in my very early twenties.

Why?

I think it is because lots of books, songs, poetry, etc are made in the name of the first blush of love and just as much, it seems, describing the experience of love ending, but very few describes the in-between: the staying together. There is ofcourse the amazing Al Green's Let's Stay Together as an exception and, to be honest, some pretty hokey-shit movies with "Aaaaaaaaah" endings. But not a bunch describing the day-in and day-out of loving someone long-term. Causing people to say "Wow, how do you do it?" if you have managed to pull it off past ten years -- but behind that wonder is the understanding that the answer is probably frighteningly dull.

I don't believe that to be the case. So, I wanted to devote a little space regularly to this question: What is it like to stay together? How do you keep it going?

One answer is: have a more varied social life in your mind.

In my childhood, Jimmy Carter was nailed by the press for "lusting in his heart" (Jesus, and Bill Clinton thought they were after him). A parlor game I play based on this notion is "Who are you dating in a parallel universe?" In this game, one entertains the idea that it is possible to date people in your mind. Time travel is also possible in this game, which is terribly convenient if you want the chance to date someone who is now dead (my list: John Lennon), or was hot when they were young (my list: Paul Newman, 1966). It is also a way to date folks much younger than yourself guilt-free. So, if you found you had a crush on, say, the kid who plays Harry Potter (Uh, I didn't say I lusted after Daniel Radcliff, at least not out loud), in this parallel universe you could also be 16 and avoid run-ins with the law all together.

To be honest, my husband wasn't all that happy about this game at first. He found it disturbing. That was until we saw a Beyonce video together and he declared, "Damn, I'd date her. Who the hell wouldn't?" Which of course, I couldn't argue with -- so we both added Beyonce to our lists.

I found something interesting in playing this game though. After my husband saw a picture of poet Nick Flynn, one of my parallel universe guys, he made the observation that Nick resembled the guys I used to date in some key ways. Mostly, he looked like he might need a good meal and a bit of care. And I had to admit, this was the one element (along with a kind of anti-hero esthetic) that described the other wise very different members of the "Guys I Used to Date" group. (DISCLAIMER TO MR. FLYNN: I am in no way suggesting you are not well fed or cared for. Infact, I think you are very talented and...only ever reading this in my imagination.)

Now I am no dummy, I got the fact that my husband was also making the point because he breaks this mold all together. He did not look like a stray when I met him. He was quite capable of taking care of himself. In fact, I may have married him because he was able to help make sure I was taken care of --- what a radical idea. So, this was an added benefit to the game and another reason I recommend it.

I welcome anyone's own list.